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Sunday, June 20th, 2004
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8:23 pm - a Las vegas buffet.
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To me it was the definition of heaven.
The tables were overflowing with jewels
that drowned my nose and mouth with overstimulation.
The Buffet!
lox and cream cheese and bagel
tomato and blue cheese salad
eggs benedict
mounds of king crab
shrimp and cocktail sauce
berries and sweet cream
turkey and gravy
yams
mashed potatoes (with cloves of roasted garlic)
asparagus
clams and mussels
beef wellington
kobe beef with mustard and horseradish
herb crusted lamb
sushi: california roll, spicy tuna etc.
miso soup
chicken noodle
chocolate mousse and pistachio cake
chocolate fudge cake
brazilian chocolate mousse
passion fruit soup with italian meringue
creme brulee
floating island with creme anglaise
I'm forgetting a lot.
I was so enraptured with the buffet that I fell in love with the cook! I spoke words of love to him as I stuffed food into my mouth.
But! how quickly it turned from heaven to hell.
buttons bursting.
so full as to not be able to eat more. To have all that wondrous food lying around and to not be able to eat it. Knowing that if you took one more bite your stomach would rupture and the contents would spill out. hell. hell. hell.
the romans had the right idea when they would puke in-between meals so that they could eat more.
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(21 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
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1:45 am
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I'm just incapable of love. I've proved it time and time again to myself.
Each instance I imagine will be different and I get swept away initially.
"This time!" I think to myself. "This time, my eyes, nose, ears, and mouth will be filled with love."
And maybe for the first moment, day, month, etc. I will be. But I'm so fickle!
-----
how odd that at this moment I turn to my desk to find a surprise letter of love and friendship. and my entire view of my capabilities and faith in people is changed. maybe i'm not a robotic shell. maybe I have to think a little differently. from now on.
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 6th, 2004
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1:50 am
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you know, i kinda liked harry potter.
but everything else right now
and I mean everything
is annoying the fuck outta me.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
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3:59 pm
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| Monday, May 3rd, 2004
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7:14 am - Coachella
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I'm painted with dust. It coats the tips of my fingers to my pointy elbows. It floats gently to rest on my eyelashes and when I blink it falls to the apples of my cheeks. Dust! in the whites of my eyes, no longer white. with Dust!
I want to peel it away and place the dust shell somewhere safe and secure. In the pyramids of Egypt? No, because they have enough dust as it is. This dust shell cannot get lost among the "sands of time". It will live on, in obtrusiveness! Mine will be a dustful monument to the day, to the discomfort, and to the music.
And when you walk by it: You will sneeze.
So I could only shower. Ice water to melt off the dust. There went the sad remains down
down
down
into the drain.
With it went the sweltering heat, the icy lemonades, the polish sausage, the communist hat, not to mention the sweat. The gallons and buckets and rain (reign) of sweat. That necessary glue, that missing link, which allowed me to exist in my cast of dust.
but it was miserable. it really was. Only in that I have a phobia of the sun. And the sun, instead of trying to ease my fears, wrapped his arms around me and burned!
Skin Cancer!
ah!
And I dripped with sweat. and they dripped with sweat. And the stench was unbearable. unbearably lovely that is.
We met a fascinating creature from sacramento. Not outright fascinating, but...inright? He was calm and comfortable and inherently wise. squinty blue eyes. a rare thing, an immediate friend and we lost him.
I wish I could've seen you there.
everything will be so different next year.
O time I want it again: The accordion magnetism that came with Kinky (O Gilberto Cerezo!). The appropriateness of "Capitalism Stole my Virginity".
And then that strange empowering feeling that came with Radiohead. It was like falling through a bottomless hole. Falling not rising, because falling is more tangibly without restraint. To fly would mean to have to hold on to some sort of lifting device. But Radiohead is natural, working with as opposed to against. Gravity without the shock of having to land. having to come to your senses.
And! Kraftwerk!
I choke
And! The Pixies!
I gasp
No, words are not made of the same stuff.
as breathing that music.
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
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3:27 pm
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| Monday, April 5th, 2004
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9:48 pm - The earrings looked a little something like this
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So we're driving down wilshire, right, and something flashy catches the corner of our eyes. It's these fantastic/magnetic/gigantic/ridiculous/sparkly earrings. Unable to resist complimenting something she doesn't really like but encourages anyway, Sara roles down the window and yells out, "I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS."
The woman, who looks part black and part latino, flashes her pearly whites and tilts her head:
"BEYONCE GIVE EM TO ME," she proudly retorts.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
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10:48 pm
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| Thursday, March 25th, 2004
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6:40 pm - Sinus Suffocation
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At twelve-thirty last night I woke up in the bathtub. The first thing I saw was this cascade of pink roses and I thought: heaven! (if heaven, then a spineless puny heaven). But no, thank GOD, it was only the recently bought shiny (granny) shower curtains. Indeed, this was no heaven. My toes cadaverously blue, and the rest of me immersed in a water with only the memory of its former warmth. My heart leaped up, I was choking, suffocating. Everything was dulled, everything was clogged. Clogged. I couldn't breathe through my nose, nor my mouth which was still submerged in water. My ears were clogged as well and my eyes blurry. "This goddamn cold season," I thought to myself. "Why won't it just leave me the hell alone."
So I got up out of the water, and blew my nose.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
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12:15 am - Worm Holes and Chocolate Rasberry Cake
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"Hey Lily!" called my mother holding a letter in her hand. "You got into Wesleyan!"
What is she doing reading my mail I wondered suspiciously.
and then I realized that I'd gotten into Wesleyan.
In celebration my sister, Kate, and I traveled to a fancy Italian restaurant where we were served chocolate rasberry cake, and fruit tart by Freddie the Bartender. He manuevered over to us in the soft romantic lighting and asked if we went to pierce or UCLA.
"No, in fact I just got into college," I would say.
"Oh then you go to UCLA." He insisted.
Our next encounter consisted of him wondering what my future plans were.
"Will you be a banker? An accountant? A lawyer?" he asked (rather uninterestedly).
"No I'd like to be a filmmaker actually. Or unfortunately rather." I replied
He looked up, "Are you sure film will even be around then?!"
I told him that if it wasn't I would surely dabble in holograms and time machines. It was at this point that an eery look crossed his face. He leaned in out of the shadows, inches from my face. He paused, and I made absurd facial expressions as I could not deal with the suspense.
"IF THEY HAVE NOT DISCOVERED WORM HOLES BY 2008, THEY WILL CREATE THEM!" He said this stealthily and dramatically. "THEY WILL ALSO BE ABLE TO TRANSMIT BRAIN WAVES ONTO FILM!"
"What a brilliant concept!" I declared. Then spent the rest of the evening completely lost as to whether or not he was serious.
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 21st, 2004
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2:08 am - A jelly belly analogy
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I imagine that I will wake up one morning, and I'll be starving! My mind will be so clear and I won't have a cent in my pocket. Or a centime. Or a franc. I'll be swallowed up in the damp lake bed that is Paris. It has not dried up already. It is waiting for the rain that will fill it with teeming life (starting wtih algea the most necessary ambrosia). I will starve and write and write and write for my next meal. And Christ! How glorious is food? This starving will only enhance the melting warmth of a full stomach. Or perhaps I will take odd jobs and meet people. Preferably the scum of the earth! I want to meet the popcorn jelly belly, and the grape. The caramel and the tutti frutti. I will sweep them up into my all encompassing hands and then...devour them! Assimilate them into my system.
And Christ! How glorious is food?
This is my plan.
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(16 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004
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8:45 pm
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My genius uncle sent me this and I thought it was neat--
The following link is a fairly reasonable discussion of the amusing
problem that some of the pictures from Mars has presented. This problem is
being referred to in certain circles as the "F" word problem, where "F" is
for fossil.
As I understand it, there is nowhere near enough evidence to start
declaring that we have found fossils on mars, its amusing however to note how
much some of the pictures seem to show fossils. Ha ha. The last thing you
are going to do if you are a Mars scientist is open your big mouth about
this only to become an internationally famous idiot for all of recorded history
if you are wrong.
>This is not about the famous bunny on mars, people seem to be fairly
certain it comes from one of the materials on the lander:
http://www.spacedaily.com/news/mars-mers-04zzv.html
Here is the link on the "F" word. Remember, I am not saying they
found fossils on mars.
http://aix1.uottawa.ca/~weinberg/mars/
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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5:52 pm
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When I get sad, the bottoms of my cheeks grow heavy and drag the corner's of my mouth down with them.
I was in the market place and everything was going crazy. Shifting around. My eyes were shifting around. And then-- it stopped and I looked at everybody, saw them moving around. buying things. and i thought.
"i hate you. I HATE YOU ALL. how can you do this? HOW CAN YOU CONTINUE ON LIKE THIS. HOW CAN YOU CONTINUE LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG
NOTHING IS WRONG WHEN MY BEAUTIFUL DOG MIGHT--"
I wont finish. and I can't.
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
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5:12 pm - It's a mad (cow diseased) world
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“I can’t give blood because I might have MAD COW DISEASE,” I told my friend.
I also told her that I thought that the chance I might develop sponge-like holes in my brain was a romantic notion.
“That’s the last time I’m ever having sex with you.” She said.
Even though we've never had sex, I would’ve felt snubbed at that last statement if it were not for the shocked old man standing nearby who yelled “WHAT!?”
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I think its fascinating when people (mostly strangers) try to say things that are incredibly and wittily funny, only they are just random statements that don't have one element of humor.
for example:
I was at the market and I asked the fish guy to give me some sole. After he packaged it and handed it to me, he looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye. The sort of twinkle that says knudge knudge wink wink. "How about some crab and lobster!!!?" he said. and we both shared a hearty laugh.
Everytime I walked back in his general direction he would yell "CRAB AND LOBSTER," and we would share yet another hearty laugh.
Also, the guy who was asking me questions about my health to determine whether or not I will have spongy holes in my brain had a cell phone that would ring. He'd pick it up and not be able to talk because there is no service.
"There's no service!" he'd say to me and smile. "EARRghhh, no service. No service."
We shared an excellent chuckle at this, and he thought he was just the darndest thing.
My general philosophy when it comes to jokes like this is to laugh, because it strengthens the stomach muscles.
love lily.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
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9:28 pm - My live journal is at a low point.
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With a lack of interest unparalleled to previous entries:
Here are things that also turn me on (recently):
german short stories.
short films by tarkovsky
and other pompous cultured things
also, steve buscemi, tim roth, joaqin phoenix, sam rockwell, and especially gary oldman.
--------
Here are some of my goals:
I want to be Al Pacino/Hal Ashby.
I want a love affair with a revolutionary.
and also with the conductor of an orchestra
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You think you're so god damn friendly mother fucker.
what turns you on? what do you want?
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 1st, 2004
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8:35 pm
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| Saturday, February 21st, 2004
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12:41 pm - Well I officially look like a duck
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I got dental surgery yesterday, and I think that during it I went temporarily insane.
They first removed my dead front tooth, and then I laid there and closed my eyes while they pumped my gums full of anesthesia. All I could feel was this constant pressure where my tooth used to be. But I could hear various noises
Sawing
Drilling
Hacking
In my head all I could think was " i hope its really really bloody," and when I opened my eyes I would see swabs drenched in blood being pulled out of my mouth.
I couldn't take it any longer so I mumbled "Ge me uh Merror," and so I watched the rest of it in a mirror.
He pulled back my gum to show me my bone. These aren't my teeth but it looked a little like this:
only It was way bloodier.
In the middle of it I had to go to the bathroom so I sorta just got up and went (with blood dribbling down my chin and my mouth full of cotton).
When I got back, he packed it full of artificial bone, and placed a piece of gum tissue over it that looked like a slice of sashimi. Then he sewed it all up.
At the end the periodontist told me
"You were a good patient--err-- an interesting patient."
so I told him that the blood didn't taste all that bad.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 16th, 2004
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5:23 pm - "Cross dressing and Liquor"
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| Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
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10:15 pm
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| Monday, February 9th, 2004
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7:17 pm - Boo? Boo who?
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cestbizarre (7:15:32 PM): hey sweet potato pie
JohnAndHisGuitar (7:15:52 PM): hey boooooo,
cestbizarre (7:16:08 PM): yikes!
cestbizarre (7:16:16 PM): im unsure as to whether
cestbizarre (7:16:17 PM): i should be
cestbizarre (7:16:23 PM): frightened by your ghost noise?
cestbizarre (7:16:25 PM): or
cestbizarre (7:16:31 PM): take that as dissapproval
cestbizarre (7:16:39 PM): or!
cestbizarre (7:16:40 PM): oh oh oh
cestbizarre (7:16:45 PM): that you called me boo?
-------------------
(intermission)
i was in barnes and noble earlier trying to study
and this man behind me
kept making these noises
like trying to clear ou t his throat
only
it sounded like he was making kungfu noises
like
hyyyayyyayhahchhchghhh
so I had to leave
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(conclusion)
JohnAndHisGuitar (7:18:27 PM): as in my boo, as in can you pay my telephone bills, can you pay for my autombile? i don't think you do, soooooooo you and me are through!
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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